Empty Balcony: The Raid

A million bucks must go a long way in Indonesia. That’s all the money writer/director Gareth Evans had on hand to film The Raid (released in the U.S. as The Raid: Redemption). Despite that tiny budget, Evans constructed a spectacular action flick, packed so full of visual and auditory stimuli that just watching it can make a viewer feel a little drained by the end. Continue readingEmpty Balcony: The Raid”

Shitty Movie Sundays: When Time Ran Out, or, The Poseidon Volcano

Irwin Allen had been producing motion pictures for over twenty years before he wandered into the disaster genre. He had a pair of genre-defining hits with The Poseidon Adventure and The Towering Inferno, but that was about all the water Allen could draw from that well before bringing up sludge. Next came The Swarm (dreadful), then Beyond the Poseidon Adventure (sickening), and finally When Time Ran Out. According to the internet, so it must be true, Paul Newman, star of When Time Ran Out, was once asked if he regretted making any film. He answered, “That volcano movie.” Continue readingShitty Movie Sundays: When Time Ran Out, or, The Poseidon Volcano”

Empty Balcony: The Offence

The Offence movie posterIn the early 1970s, United Artists wanted Sean Connery back in the role of James Bond. Part of the deal that brought Connery back was UA agreeing to finance a pair of vanity projects for Connery, as long as the films didn’t cost much money. The Offence was the first of the pair, and the only one made.

From 1972, The Offence is an adaptation of the play This Story of Yours by John Hopkins. Hopkins was also brought aboard to pen the screenplay, with legendary director Sidney Lumet behind the camera.

In The Offence, Connery plays Detective Sergeant Johnson, a brutal, monster of a cop in England. Lately, the Sergeant and a team of detectives have been investigating the kidnappings and rapes of schoolchildren. The situation has gotten bad enough that Johnson and the others maintain a visual presence at a local school when it lets out, but that isn’t enough to prevent another young girl from being snatched. Later, as the police search nearby woods, it is Johnson who finds the young girl, terrified and laying in the mud, and who has to comfort her. This latest offense is just another in a litany of atrocities Johnson has witnessed in his 20 years as a police officer. His mind has been on the brink for some time, it appears, and after constables nab a suspect, Kenneth Baxter (Ian Bannen), Johnson snaps. During interrogation, Johnson beats the suspect to death, and has to account for his actions. Continue readingEmpty Balcony: The Offence”

Much Ado About MOAB

“U.S. forces in Afghanistan on Thursday struck an Islamic State tunnel complex in eastern Afghanistan with “the mother of all bombs,” the largest non-nuclear weapon ever used in combat by the U.S. military, Pentagon officials said.” — The Associated Press

“The Pentagon said U.S. military forces dropped the largest non-nuclear bomb in Afghanistan on Thursday.” — CNBC

Continue reading “Much Ado About MOAB”

Shitty Movie Sundays: xXx

Finally, a film for the energy drink generation.

What a putrid mess. In truth, the only reason I watched xXx at all is because I noticed that there were no films under ‘X’ in the Empty Balcony database. Every other letter in the English alphabet is represented, but in the many years I’ve been pounding out these reviews I’ve never once reviewed a film whose title began with the letter X. Now that I’ve seen xXx, I never have to watch it again. Continue readingShitty Movie Sundays: xXx”

Trumpland Day 84: Let’s Kill Some People!

Back in the wake of the election and the early days of the Turdpol Kakistocracy, a common theme in the media were warnings not to ‘normalize’ President Donald Trump. There is nothing normal or typical about a barely literate egomaniacal narcissist who lacks the temperament, consistency, gravitas, and intelligence to be president, yet who still finds himself the leader of the free world. The man is a huckster who has no competency for the job, and whose primary accomplishment as president so far has been stuffing the family coffers. Continue readingTrumpland Day 84: Let’s Kill Some People!”

Shitty Movie Sundays: Steel Dawn

Other than being a shitty movie, Steel Dawn, the 1987 film from director Lance Hool and screenwriter Doug Lefler, defies normal categorization. At first glance, it’s just another cheesy post-apocalyptic sci-fi flick. Sure, it is that. But it’s also a kung fu flick, a samurai flick, and a spaghetti western. The filmmakers even managed to include a car chase, which is impressive considering the film takes place in a land with no electrical power or internal combustion engines. Continue readingShitty Movie Sundays: Steel Dawn”

Cocksuckers Ball: Harvest Time

The United States Senate is headed towards an historic moment this week. The nomination of Judge Neil Gorsuch has gone to the floor for debate. As of right now, the Republicans do not have enough votes to impose cloture on the debate. It is expected that on Friday, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell will introduce a vote to change Senate rules to allow cloture to be passed with a simple majority, clearing the way for a floor vote on Gorsuch. By the time we all sit down for dinner on Friday evening, Gorsuch will be confirmed as the next Associate Justice of the Supreme Court, and the Senate will begin a new era — one that is leaving many pundits uneasy. Continue readingCocksuckers Ball: Harvest Time”

Empty Balcony: Night Moves

Be warned, this is a spoiler-heavy trailer.

Gene Hackman is still alive! As of this writing he is, anyway. Throughout his career, beginning with a bit role in something called Mad Dog Cole in 1961, to his final appearance in 2004’s Welcome to Mooseport, it was odd for a year to go by without multiple films featuring Hackman. But, after Mooseport, Hackman decided to retire. Too bad. Thank goodness, then, that Hackman plied his trade on the silver screen rather than on stage. His work is still available for all to see, including this little neo-noir flick that has slipped into some obscurity. Continue readingEmpty Balcony: Night Moves”