October Horrorshow: It (2017)

It, the 1986 novel from Stephen King, clocks in at over 1,100 pages. It’s a massive tome, from a part of King’s career in which it seemed he was abusing his editors. 1,100 pages is a huge commitment for a reader to make — one in which they are prepared to spend weeks or months with a book. How does one translate such an expansive work to the big screen? Peter Jackson might have some thoughts on that.

It, the 2017 film from director Andy Muschietti, is the first in a planned two movies that cover the source material. The novel has two main parts, as well, and this movie covers the first. Continue readingOctober Horrorshow: It (2017)”

Giant Monstershow: King Kong

And so it begins. The leaves are turning (later and later every year, it seems), the air is grown crisp, the skies are beginning to cloud, and the sounds of the wind at night evoke creatures dastardly and dark. It is October, that sacred month which ends with the day of the dead. That also means it is time for another installment of the October Horrorshow, when Missile Test is devoted to horror film reviews. In the past, that meant ghouls, ghosts, zombies, slashers, vampires, and even the occasional werewolf.

This year the Horrorshow is going in a slightly different direction. There will be plenty of reviews of straight horror films, but the theme for this month is giant monsters.

Welcome to the October Horrorshow Giant Monstershow! Continue readingGiant Monstershow: King Kong”

Empty Balcony: Runaway

Tom Selleck at peak mustache, Gene Simmons, THAT Gene Simmons, playing a mad scientist who has an army of killer robots, in a science fiction film written and directed by Michael Crichton? Yes, I will watch that.

From 1984, Runaway is a look into the near future, where robots are a part of everyday life. They cook our food, wash our clothes, construct our buildings, and guard our businesses. But like all machines, they aren’t perfect. That is where the dedicated men and women of the police department’s runaway squad come in. Continue readingEmpty Balcony: Runaway”

Empty Balcony: The Meg

I, and a whole lot of other viewers, went into this film expecting a shitty movie. The only question in my mind was whether it would be a good shitty movie, like Anaconda, or something devoid of all taste and soul, like Baywatch. I was a little disappointed, then, when The Meg turned out to be silly and stupid, but not shitty. It’s not great, it won’t be competing for any major awards, and that’s fine. Continue readingEmpty Balcony: The Meg”

Shitty Movie Sundays: The Humanity Bureau

Nicolas Cage is a precious resource in the world of shitty movies. Looking at his filmography, he’s not a rare resource. But, how many Oscar-winners have devoted so much of the latter days of their careers to starring in absolute shit? Sure, there have been plenty of faded stars that showed up for a day’s filming and a check in the worst film has to offer (see Carradine, John), but Cage seems committed. He doesn’t just put in token appearances in bad movies. He stars in them. A LOT of them. His IMDb page lists 27 roles from 2010 through 2017, and the majority of them have been some real dogshit. Continue readingShitty Movie Sundays: The Humanity Bureau”

Trumpster Fire Day 564: Donnie Gives Up the Game

President Donald Trump has an itchy Twitter finger. That’s really no surprise. The man has never had a filter, and Twitter is very good at amplifying mouths that are already loud. Not a week goes by without Trump posting something outrageous. His endless stream of rhetorical nonsense, insults, and Orwellian pronouncements would have been enough to sink any other presidency, but not this president. The sheer volume of his transgressions decreases their negative impact on his presidency, due to outrage fatigue, but a very real bill is coming due. Donald Trump is squirming, and that hasn’t been more clear than in a tweet from yesterday morning: Continue readingTrumpster Fire Day 564: Donnie Gives Up the Game”

Shitty Movie Sundays: City on Fire

It was not just Irwin Allen who could make a shitty disaster movie. There are always plenty of filmmakers in Hollywood with big, but slightly blurred, vision. The spectacle is the thing, accompanied by a bevy of stars, past and present, willing to slum it in something crummy.

City on Fire, from 1979, is a joint Canadian-American production from director Alvin Rakoff, from a script by notable blaxploitation filmmaker Jack Hill, David P. Lewis, and Céline La Frenière. Continue readingShitty Movie Sundays: City on Fire”