According to the internet, so it must be true, Agent Red had an initial shoot of two weeks. Director Damian Lee’s assembly cut was rejected by the producers. One of the producers, prolific shitty movie filmmaker Jim Wynorski, then reshot about forty minutes of the movie in three days. That incredible effort still wasn’t enough to finish the film, so it was then stuffed with footage cut from other movies, including ’90s blockbusters Blown Away and Crimson Tide. I’m pretty sure there’s a sequence from Red Dawn in there, as well. Usually, when such extreme measures are taken to rescue a failed film, the result is an unwatchable mess. This dog actually remains coherent. Amazing. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Agent Red, or, Die Hard on a Submarine”
Tag: Submarine Flick
Empty Balcony: Black Sea
Is Jude Law still famous? I ask because appearing in a film like 2014’s Black Sea is either the sign of a flagging career, or a sign it’s time to find a new agent. Every star eventually ends up doing marginal projects like this. Go ahead and peruse the output of Bruce Willis or Nicolas Cage for a pair of prominent examples. And that’s good for the shitty movie fan. A little talent in a shitty movie can go a long way. Too bad this flick isn’t shitty. It’s just mediocre. Continue reading “Empty Balcony: Black Sea”
October Horrorshow: Below
A ghost story that takes place aboard a World War II submarine. Sometimes I think there are suggestion boxes mounted next to the water cooler at movie studios and once a month the big mogul dips has fat fingers inside to root around for a new idea. That’s the only explanation I can come up with for a movie like Below being greenlit. Luckily for us viewers, just because a movie has kind of a silly idea, that doesn’t mean it’s going to be a bad movie.
Film history is scattered throughout with ridiculous premises and outlandish plots that somehow worked. There was Jaws, about the eternal conflict between a fish and people who live on land. Or there is the abundance of superhero flicks. Take just a second to think about how stupid an idea superheroes are. Very fit people dress like professional wrestlers and save the world, repeatedly, from the machinations of megalomaniacs who always seem to lack any coherent reason for their evil. Yet billions of dollars have been made in this genre. What the hell is the matter with us?
So, a ghost story on a submarine? There have been worse ideas. And this film has a pedigree that makes it stand out. Below was directed by David Twohy, who managed to make another stupid idea work in Pitch Black, and was written by Twohy, Lucas Sussman, and Darren Aronofsky(!). That’s right. The dude who made Pi was one of the screenwriters of this flick. According to the internet, Aronofsky was set to direct Below, but left the project to pursue Requiem for a Dream. One of the most cerebral directors working in film today almost directed a studio horror film. I can only imagine how his version would have played out. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Below”