Shitty Movie Sundays: Hot Rod Girl

We viewers have been cheated! A 1950s flick with the title of Hot Rod Girl brings to mind all sorts of possibilities. Fast cars! Loose women! Police chases! Crime! Mayhem! Et cetera! What it does not bring to mind is a traffic safety film, which is about all this shitty movie amounts to.

From 1956, Hot Rod Girl comes to us via American International Pictures, that paragon of b-cinema. It was directed by Leslie H. Martinson (who would later direct the Adam West Batman movie), from a screenplay by John McGreevey. Both Martinson and Greevey spent the vast majority of their careers working in television, and that helps to explain this film’s strong resemblance to an after school special. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Hot Rod Girl”

Cocksuckers Ball: So Long, Jerk

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan has announced that he will not seek reelection to his seat this fall. It appears Ryan has bought into the narrative that the midterm elections this fall will be a wave for the Democrats, and he should get out while the getting is good. Never mind that, as Speaker, his caucus looks to him for leadership in both good times and bad. Now is a particularly bad time, and he’s hightailing it out of Washington. Continue reading “Cocksuckers Ball: So Long, Jerk”

Empty Balcony: The Titan

Movies that premiere on Netflix have been banned from competition at the Cannes Film Festival. In an action that is part snobbishness and part an effort to protect theater owners, Cannes has drawn a line in the sand. To them, if a new movie is available to stream on television or other device, then it’s not really a movie. That’s absurd. Theater owners have cause to be worried that their business model might be obsolete, because it is. The best thing theaters have going for them is getting first run movies. Netflix is at the forefront of destroying that partial monopoly, and with home media having better picture and sound than ever before, watching a film at home is no longer a subpar experience compared to watching it in a theater. Continue reading “Empty Balcony: The Titan”

Trumpster Fire Day 442: Another Rant About the Turdpol

The President of the United States is as close to out of control as one of our presidents has ever been. The mass exodus among White House and cabinet staff has denuded the administration of checks on Donald Trump’s worst instincts. In just the last couple of weeks, he’s been trying, against massive amounts of pushback from just about everyone on the planet, to start trade wars with any takers. China has stepped into the ring, and our leader seems determined to go tit-for-tat with China’s response to Trump’s tariffs. Continue reading “Trumpster Fire Day 442: Another Rant About the Turdpol”

Shitty Movie Sundays: Death Machines

This shitty movie is so obscure that, as of this posting, it doesn’t have a Wikipedia page. That’s hard to believe. Usually if something exists, and more than a few dozen people know about it, it has a Wikipedia page. Far worse movies than this have Wikipedia pages. Far less hilarious shitty movies than this have Wikipedia pages. One of those free laborers they have slaving away over there should address this grievous oversight. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Death Machines”

Empty Balcony: Mr. Majestyk, or, Charles Bronson is Charles Bronson in Charles Bronson: The Movie

All Vince Majestyk (Charles Bronson) wants to do is get his melons in. But, ole Vinnie has an insatiable need to antagonize everyone he meets, resulting in some very bad people wanting him very dead.

From 1974, Mr. Majestyk was directed by the prolific filmmaker Richard Fleischer, from a screenplay by none other than legendary crime novelist Elmore Leonard. It’s also just about the perfect Charles Bronson flick. Continue reading “Empty Balcony: Mr. Majestyk, or, Charles Bronson is Charles Bronson in Charles Bronson: The Movie”

Not Enough Alarm

It snowed here in New York City yesterday. In fact, we got walloped. It’s something that happens in east coast cities. Snow doesn’t come at a steady trickle like it does in the Midwest. It doesn’t pile up over long stretches of below-freezing weather — a somewhat constant presence. Rather, it all seems to come in bunches. A blizzard here, a nor’easter there, and all of a sudden there are eighteen inches of snow on the ground. Such was the case yesterday. Not bad for the first day of Spring, huh? Continue reading “Not Enough Alarm”

Shitty Movie Sundays: The Killers Edge, aka Blood Money

What a gloriously stupid movie. The Killers Edge, from writer/director Joseph Mehri, has everything I’ve ever wanted out of a 1980s-90s-era straight-to-video action flick. A hunky leading man called from the lower depths of Hollywood, a screenplay that could double as a McBain sequence from The Simpsons, a soundtrack made by one guy with a synthesizer, and plenty of casual gunplay. Sure, fans of hoity-toity cinema will turn their noses up at such trash as this, but we shitty movie fans, we know better. There’s something they will never see in a film like The Killers Edge, and that’s their loss. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: The Killers Edge, aka Blood Money”

Once Again, Nothing

National gun control legislation is dead again. A month after a shooter massacred 17 students and faculty at Stoneman Douglas High in Parkland, Florida, it looks as if Congress will not be taking up any gun control bill, nor will the White House, currently preoccupied with blaming video games for the violence, be sending any measures, other than the insane idea of arming teachers, to Capitol Hill. For a time, there, it looked like this latest tragedy would be the one that finally led to action, but the GOP is nothing if not resilient when it comes to ignoring calls for action that go against the will of their paymasters. Continue reading “Once Again, Nothing”