Jan-Michael Vincent is dead. He passed mostly unnoticed on February 10th, his death remaining unknown to the media for almost a month. He was, once upon a time, a middling star. His looks were better than his talent, but that’s just what Hollywood wants. His career was derailed by age and substance abuse, as happens to so many in the entertainment industry. He had many roles in mainstream films, but I will always remember him for his contributions to shitty cinema and television. In remembrance of Jan-Michael Vincent, here’s a review for a Vincent star vehicle, that also happened to be a pretty good shitty movie. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Damnation Alley, or, RVing the Apocalypse”
No Context Comics: Tough Luck, Pal
Shitty Movie Sundays: Invasion U.S.A., or, Chuck Norris’s Nightmare, or, Chuck Norris’s Wet Dream
Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus found their cash cow. After Chuck Norris got revenge for the United States losing the Vietnam War in Missing in Action, Golan and Globus wasted no time locking up Chuck to a multi-picture deal at The Cannon Group. Invasion U.S.A. was the first picture under that deal, and it’s just as over the top and stupid as anything else from the Cannon stable. But it also has a mean-spiritedness that will try the viewer. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Invasion U.S.A., or, Chuck Norris’s Nightmare, or, Chuck Norris’s Wet Dream”
Empty Balcony: Black Sea
Is Jude Law still famous? I ask because appearing in a film like 2014’s Black Sea is either the sign of a flagging career, or a sign it’s time to find a new agent. Every star eventually ends up doing marginal projects like this. Go ahead and peruse the output of Bruce Willis or Nicolas Cage for a pair of prominent examples. And that’s good for the shitty movie fan. A little talent in a shitty movie can go a long way. Too bad this flick isn’t shitty. It’s just mediocre. Continue reading “Empty Balcony: Black Sea”
Shitty Movie Sundays: Project Moonbase
Project Moonbase, the 1953 film from Lippert Pictures, is among the worst movies I’ve ever seen. That wouldn’t be surprising considering it’s from the Lippert stable, but this flick was written by Robert A. Heinlein, who used to hoover up Hugo Awards for his writing. Indeed, Heinlein threw in some smart stuff, but I’m not letting him off the hook for the rest of the garbage in this screenplay. Lest Heinlein take all the blame, Richard Talmadge was in the director’s chair, and he contributed much to this film’s failure. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Project Moonbase”
Trumpster Fire Day 757: President Trump Has Gone Rogue
After failing to get the money he wanted to build his Mexico border wall, President Trump has decided to circumvent the legislative process and use a declaration of emergency to get the wall built. Apparently, he’s going to raid the Pentagon for the money to pay for it. Well, even a broken watch is right twice a day. Continue reading “Trumpster Fire Day 757: President Trump Has Gone Rogue”
No Context Comics: Ummm…
Shitty Movie Sundays: Black Water
From Amazon’s page on Black Water: A deep-cover operative (Van Damme) imprisoned on a CIA submarine teams with a fellow prisoner (Lundgren) for an electrifying fight to escape in this action-powered thriller.
Jean-Claude Van Damme! Dolph Lundgren! Secret Agents! On a Submarine! Whoever wrote this blurb must be a shitty movie fan. No one but one of us could tap so deeply into the shitty movie fan’s root desires in so few words. And if they’re not fan — if they’re just churning out copy for a meager wage and nothing else — then might I suggest a raise? This scribbler has talent! Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Black Water”
Shitty Movie Sundays: Revenge of the Ninja
What a gloriously stupid movie. It came close — oh, so close — to unseating Road House at the top of the Shitty Movie Sundays Watchability Index. I had to think hard about it. In the end, Patrick Swayze and company held station, but if I was pressed to give one concrete reason why Road House is a better watch than Revenge of the Ninja, I doubt I could do so. For arguments’ sake, Road House is a better watch than Revenge of the Ninja because the film stock is better. How’s that? Maybe in a couple of weeks I’ll come to my senses and send this down the list. For now, however, it’s on the podium. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Revenge of the Ninja”
Half-Baked Ideas: How to Fix Formula One
I am a motor racing junkie. I came late to the sport, but it really put its hooks into me some years back. Since then, many valuable hours on summer Saturdays and Sundays have been spent watching races from all over the globe. I watch the big, well-known races (the 24 Hours of Le Mans, the Indianapolis and Daytona 500s), and also races that only those who have caught the racing bug watch (the Pau Grand Prix, Bathurst 1000, 12 Hours of Sebring). One racing league has captured my fascination more than any other, and that’s Formula One. Continue reading “Half-Baked Ideas: How to Fix Formula One”