The first time I saw Dark Descent, the 2002 direct-to-video feature from writer/director Daniel Knauf, I thought it was one of the worst pieces of garbage I had ever seen. It was showing on the Sci-Fi Channel not too long after its release. By that time I had a long relationship with bad movies, but nothing like the scale and familiarity I have today. I remember a film with awful CGI, cheap and drab sets that would make Roger Corman blush, and a pace that was deathly slow. All this remains true, but in comparison to the bottomfeeders in the Shitty Movie Sundays Watchability Index, this flick is a gem. Continue reading “Dark Descent”
Phobe: The Xenophobic Experiments
Movies tell stories. No shit, right? But, besides the story told up on the screen, there is the story of how a movie gets made, and that story, hidden from the audience, can have its own elements of inspiration and perseverance. That’s the case with today’s flick, Phobe: The Xenophobic Experiments, filmmaker Erica Benedikty’s magnum opus from 1995.
Shot on videotape with a robust budget of 250 bucks Canadian, Phobe follows an interstellar cop or soldier-type who is hunting an escaped alien killing machine in and around the area of Niagara Falls, Ontario. Benedikty, a part-time employee of Cable 10, a local cable access channel, managed to convince her bosses to let her use the channel’s equipment and facilities to make a movie. She enlisted friends and family as cast and crew, convinced local businesses to let her shoot on their properties, and, over the course of a year, made her movie. Continue reading “Phobe: The Xenophobic Experiments”
Shut Up!
Skin Trade
This flick was close, oh, so close, to not making the cut for Shitty Movie Sundays. We have an informal slogan here at SMS: Not every shitty movie is bad, but every bad movie is shitty. Skin Trade, from 2014, is not a bad movie. It’s better than mediocre. It’s damned entertaining and on occasion dips its toes into being good. It’s a cheapie action flick that one has to actively scan for its failings. It’s the ersatz stuff that sealed the deal. The poor CGI muzzle flashes and blood spatters; the poor CGI backgrounds in driving scenes; the poor CGI explosions and fire. Yeah, it was mostly the poor CGI. It was a symptom of this flick’s low budget and the willingness of the filmmakers to take shortcuts. I wouldn’t say that it doomed this flick to a spot in the Watchability Index (because inclusion is an HONOR), but a little more flexibility in director Ekachai Uekrongtham’s budget would have worked wonders. Continue reading “Skin Trade”
Mignola is a Genius
Last Man Standing (1987), aka Circle Man
Filmmakers Damien Lee and David Micthell have been in the b-movie business for over forty years each. Their work graced the trashier shelves of video stores from Vancouver to Hamburg, and now reach wide through the tubes. To Shitty Movie Sundays, their contributions compare favorably to contemporaries such as David Winters, Mark A. Prior, or Cirio H. Santiago. None household names, but for the mutants, solid bona fides.
Last Man Standing is an early effort from both, with Lee and Mitchell sharing screenwriting and producing credit, while Lee directed. The film is a heavy-handed depiction of underground bare-knuckle cage fights. It was a surprise to see how earnest Lee and company were at times. This flick can be dreary here and there, and has the feeling of a shitty version of On the Waterfront. Continue reading “Last Man Standing (1987), aka Circle Man”
Submarine
It’s been a while since Shitty Movie Sundays has featured a film made in the 21st century. But, sometimes we feel the itch. It’s not as if the 20th century has a lock on bad movies. The digital age has removed many of the barriers to making a movie, and independent auteurs have responded.
Today’s flick is Submarine, a new release from screenwriter C.M. Wright and director Max McCall. Submarine is such a new release that, as of this writing, its IMDb page still has it listed as an upcoming film, under the title Submarine of the Deep. That title stinks, so it’s a good thing it was changed. The bad news is, an improved title does nothing to make a movie better. Continue reading “Submarine”
Deadly Force
Shitty Movie Sundays All-Star Wings Hauser has one of the best 1980s action flick character introductions in Deadly Force, from 1983. Viewers first see him on the gritty streets of New York City, playing a game best described as ‘rat roulette.’ Next, he’s drunkenly tickling piano keys in a bar, not without some competence. Then he’s a passenger in a speeding cab driven by none other than Estelle Getty. Finally, with complete disregard for his personal safety, he talks a distraught suicide bomber out of blowing up himself and everyone around him. And he does all of this before he hops on a plane to Los Angeles, called west by an old friend, Sam (Al Ruscio), whose granddaughter has fallen victim to a serial killer. Continue reading “Deadly Force”
The Choppers
It’s been many years since The Sadist bumped Deep Blue Sea out of the top five of the SMS Watchability Index. It wasn’t a total package deal. Slotting The Sadist so high in the Index, indeed, the fact it made the Index at all, was due to the singular performance of one Arch Hall, Jr. as a psychotic spree killer. His squinty sneer, like squishing down the face of a chubby baby, combined with his delivery and his ersatz aggressive body language, was a treat of gangster flick-style exaggeration. He was like a Saturday Night Live version of James Cagney, only he wasn’t joking. Continue reading “The Choppers”
The Super Cops
What a gloriously stupid movie. The Super Cops, an adaptation of a nonfiction book titled The Super Cops: The True Story of the Cops Called Batman and Robin by L.H. Whittemore, follows officers Dave Greenberg (Ron Leibman) and Robert Hantz (David Selby) as they tear through the criminal element of Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn. At no point does director Gordon Parks go for realism. Greenberg and Hantz, aka Batman and Robin, throw themselves at suspects with abandon and total lack of skill. They yell, flail about, fall, punch, jump, leap, climb, roll, bash, karate chop, kick, knee, shoot their pistols, and look like total idiots doing it. Remember, these guys are supposed to be super cops, but they’re really a pair of clowns. Continue reading “The Super Cops”