Shitty Movie Sundays: Cocktail

Cocktail movie posterHere’s another entry from the aborted Tom Cruise month, written back when I still lived in NYC:

What a putrid mess. Cocktail, the 1988 film from director Roger Donaldson, is about a bartender in New York City with big dreams. That’s just about every bartender in this town, at least before reality sinks its teeth in and, all of a sudden, a bartender’s 30s are looming large. I have a feeling that a large number of those involved in this flick have spent time slinging drinks. How in the world they screwed up a movie about a bartender is beyond me. But, Cocktail is only about a bartender in that the main character tends bar. It’s also a romance, and, near the end, takes a very dark dramatic turn that didn’t fit the film at all.

Tom Cruise plays Brian Flanagan. Brian just finished a hitch in the army and returns home to Brooklyn. Brian has a bit of an inflated opinion of himself. It’s hard to think of another explanation because, after he returns, he decides he wants a job on Wall Street so he can make a million bucks. Brian has no college degree or work experience in finance, but that doesn’t stop him. I’m actually impressed he managed to get job interviews. But, as anyone, anywhere, would expect, he doesn’t get a gig. As he’s walking along in Manhattan after his latest rejection, despondent, he notices a help wanted sign in the window of a bar, and is hired by cantankerous career bartender Doug Coughlin (Bryan Brown). Continue readingShitty Movie Sundays: Cocktail”

October Horrorshow: House at the End of the Street

House at the End of the StreetThe older I get, the less patience I have for teen movies. I’m turning crotchety. Know what? I prefer the curmudgeonly proprietor of Missile Test to the angsty teen who, once upon a time, would have liked this movie. I welcome the growing gulf between teenagers and myself. But what a conflict this presents. I love horror flicks, and the horror and teen genres exist in a symbiotic relationship that has paid dividends throughout the length and breadth of cinematic history. What to do when I cross paths with a movie like House at the End of the Street, a psychological horror flick that is decidedly youth-oriented. I put on my objective cap and judge the film on its merits, that’s what.

In this film, Jennifer Lawrence and her mom (Elisabeth Shue) move into a house in the swanky part of some town, somewhere (it’s Canada). A few years before, the house next door was the scene of a grisly murder, where a psychotic girl butchered her parents. Welcome to the neighborhood, Jennifer and Jennifer’s mom. Continue readingOctober Horrorshow: House at the End of the Street”

October Horrorshow: Piranha 3D

It’s October, when calm nights are suddenly pierced by screams, unseen malevolent presences terrorize entire families, crazed masked murderers stalk virginal teenagers, and Missile Test celebrates all that is evil in the world with the October Horrorshow, a month’s worth of horror film reviews. A good horror film? We’ll watch it. A bad horror film? Bring it on. An absolutely putrid pile of dog shit that had no business being produced at all? Yep, we’ll delve into those, too. Because the only thing that matters during the October Horrorshow is that there’s blood. And today’s selection has plenty of that, and not much else worth watching. Continue readingOctober Horrorshow: Piranha 3D”