Mark L Lester – Missile Test

October Horrorshow: The Funhouse

There was a period, from the 1970s into the ’80s, when Tobe Hooper was one hell of a filmmaker. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Eaten Alive, Salem’s Lot, Poltergeist, and today’s film, The Funhouse, are all excellent showcases of his talents. Afterwards he took those talents to Cannon and, well, that’s another story. But, there are countless filmmakers who would kill to have a run like the one above.

The Funhouse, released in 1981, was Hooper’s followup to Salem’s Lot. The movie has a simple premise. Four teens, Amy, Buzz, Liz, and Richie (Elizabeth Berridge, Cooper Huckabee, Largo Woodruff, and Miles Chapin), out on a double date to a carnival, decide it would be fun to sneak in and spend the night in the funhouse ride after everything closes for the night. This was 1981, folks. Teenagers back then were even more desperate to find something to do than they are now. Basically all there was to do was smoke grass and have sex. And that’s all these teens planned to do in the funhouse. I suppose it was a nice change of pace from someone’s basement lit by a single red bulb. Anyway… Continue reading “October Horrorshow: The Funhouse”

Shitty Movie Sundays: Truck Stop Women

Truck Stop Women movie poster What a relentless pile of exploitative schlock. They don’t make them like this, anymore. The combination of online mob outrage, and the actual progressive growth of our morals, makes a flick like this a difficult proposition in the 21^st century. Even watching this film, and a whole plethora of its contemporaries, can make a viewer feel a little squirrely, as if they were doing something wrong. This is one of those flicks that can make a person feel ashamed of being entertained. But, in for a penny, in for a pound. Truck Stop Women is wonderfully shitty.

From way back in 1974, Truck Stop Women tells the story of a truck stop/whorehouse in New Mexico, and its madam’s efforts to stave off mob competition. It’s a flick that wallows in its shittiness, from the low-rent country music soundtrack (all songs performed by Bobby Hart — my personal favorite track was Bullshippers), to its southern AND Italian stereotypes, to its bottom-of-the-barrel cast, and endless gratuitous nudity.

As gratuitous nudity goes, the nudity in this flick might be among the most gratuitous I’ve ever seen. Sure, much of the flick takes place in a whorehouse, and one would expect to see a few breasts here and there. But there’s a segment in this film that is basically a Bobby Hart music video montage, and some boob flashes made the cut. It’s the very definition of gratuitous, which dictionary.com has as “being without apparent reason, cause, or justification.” The breasts are everywhere, in all shapes and sizes. And they were glorious to behold. I write of the breasts not from some sanctimonious high ground, but because they are an essential and inescapable aspect of this shitty movie. There are so many bared breasts in this movie that a network TV cut would clock in at less than an hour. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Truck Stop Women”

October Horrorshow: Class of 1999

It’s the future, 1999, and the inner cities of America’s once great metropolises have been overrun by youth gangs. Areas surrounding high schools have been declared free fire zones. Police and authorities do not enter. Violence and drugs are rampant. Citizens are warned that if they enter these areas, they do so at their own risk. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Class of 1999″

Schwarzenegger Month: Commando

What a gloriously stupid movie. When I think about 1980s action, all sorts of flicks bang off the inside of my skull. Cobra, Road House, Die Hard, any of the Rambo flicks, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. It was an amazing genre of film that Hollywood has never been able to fully replicate. That’s not for lack of trying. Last year there were two movies about terrorists taking over the White House, and both could have been Die Hard flicks, circa 1989. Something happened to moviegoing audiences since the ’80s, though. I’m not going to pretend for a second that we’re any more sophisticated as a group, but maybe we grew accustomed to the shenanigans of ’80s action, and that’s why it doesn’t work as well today. But if a viewer happens to be in a nostalgic mood for black and white characters, senseless one-liners, and guns that never run out of bullets, then there is hardly a better movie than Commando. Continue reading “Schwarzenegger Month: Commando”