Filmmaker Amir Shervan’s Samurai Cop wowed shitty movie audiences when it was rediscovered in the 2000s, so it made sense that the mutants would dig into his back catalogue to see what else he left behind. Shervan has thirty directing credits to his name, most from before he left his native Iran due to the Islamic revolution. He was in the wilderness, filmmaking-wise, for a bit, but came back in 1987 with Hollywood Cop, kicking off a string of five unforgettable b-flicks that culminated with Samurai Cop, before he left the business once again. One of those glorious remnants was Killing American Style, a home invasion action flick released in 1988. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Killing American Style”
Tag: Thriller Flick
Shitty Movie Sundays: Eve of Destruction (1991)
According to the internet, so it must be true, actress Renée Soutendijk was a star in Europe and the Netherlands in the 1980s. Lithe, athletic, and, most importantly, young and blonde, Soutendijk racked up credit after credit, even playing Eva Braun once. When that mountain is climbed, it’s not uncommon for a star to set their sights on Hollywood. However, whatever dreams of Hollywood stardom or Oscar-winning praise were dancing in her head were shattered by the stark reality of the shitty movie. After this flick, she returned to Europe and never looked back.
Directed by Duncan Gibbins, who had directed many popular music videos, and written by Gibbins and Yale Udoff, Eve of Destruction follows Soutendijk in a dual role. She plays scientist Dr. Eve Simmons, head of a secret government project to develop humanoid robots indistinguishable from the real thing for use in espionage and on the battlefield. Her latest creation is Eve VIII, also played by Soutendijk, a model based on Dr. Simmons herself. It looks like her, talks like her, and has all of Simmons’ memories. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Eve of Destruction (1991)”
Shitty Movie Sundays: The Psychotronic Man
The Psychotronic Man, from 1979, isn’t a standout 20th century b-movie, but it is a bizarre little piece of regional cinema. If the internet is to be believed, it also lent its title to Michael J. Weldon’s Psychotronic Video magazine, which, from 1980 to 2006, covered pretty much the same kind of material that is this site’s bread and butter. Psychotronic Video is long gone, but public appreciation of the kinds of films we mutants like is as strong as it has ever been, if the proliferation of streaming services offering up the stuff is any indication.
Directed by Jack M. Sell, from a screenplay by Sell, Phil Lanier, and Peter Spelson, The Psychotronic Man follows Spelson (who also produced) as Rocky Fosco, a Chicago barber who begins to manifest destructive psychic powers.
It all begins when Rocky is feeling crabby after a day of cutting hair, and decides he needs to take a drive to blow off some steam. Off to rural Illinois we go, as Rocky, and Sell, take viewers on a runtime padding sequence of drinking, driving, and helicopter shots. Rocky’s method of blowing off steam is to keep driving and pouring whiskey down his throat until he gets sleepy and has to pull over to the side of the road and pass out. Man, the ’70s were wild. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: The Psychotronic Man”
Shitty Movie Sundays: Cocaine Wars
There are a lot of plot and characters to keep track of in Cocaine Wars, Héctor Olivera’s magnum opus from 1985, from a screenplay by Steven M. Krauzer. It takes place in the cutthroat world of the drug cartels in an unnamed South American country (filming was done in Argentina). There’s cartel boss Gonzalo Reyes (Federico Luppi). His rival, corrupt General Lujan (Rodolfo Ranni). A crusading politician, Marcelo Villalba (Juan Vitali). An expat American coca farmer, Bailey (Royal Dano). A World War II Nazi fugitive turned cartel wannabe, Klausmann (Ivan Grey). A reporter from the States, Janet Meade (Kathryn Witt). And, tying it all together is drug smuggling treetop flyer Cliff Adams (John ‘Bo Duke’ Schneider), who pisses off just about everyone in the movie at some point. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Cocaine Wars”
Shitty Movie Sundays: Bad, Black and Beautiful
Once upon a time, way back in the mid-1970s, some guy in Dallas, Texas, by the name of Bobby Davis, had some dollars in his pocket and a dream. That dream: to write, direct, and produce a blaxploitation flick. He roamed the lounges of Dallas, wading into a sea of nylon and leisure suits in search of the talent he would need to make his vision a reality. Days, nay, weeks, of production pass, and Davis overcomes all of the obstacles which stand in the way of auteurs the world over, and he gets his film in the can. Now, it’s official. Bobby Davis is a filmmaker, forever more. In celebration, and aware that all great artists leave the scene at their peak, he leaves his affairs in order, climbs the Reunion Tower overlooking picturesque Interstate 35E, and hurls himself into the void.
Most of that is bullshit, including Davis’s personal denouement (Reunion Tower wasn’t finished until 1978, three years after this movie’s release). But, sources on this dog of a movie are very thin. It’s known that there was a filmmaker named Bobby Davis, that he shot a film called Bad, Black and Beautiful in Dallas, and that he employed a cast and crew that, for the majority of them, had no experience before or after this film was made. If it wasn’t for the internet, this movie would exist only on crumbling VHS tapes and a handful of 35mm prints lurking in the backs of storage spaces. This is a movie that was well on its way to being lost, and it shows. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Bad, Black and Beautiful”
Shitty Movie Sundays: Top Line
Italian movie star Franco Nero has appeared in almost 200 films. I haven’t seen them all, but I’ve seen enough that I’m confident half could be included in the Shitty Movie Sundays Watchability Index. That’s not a knock on Nero. He wants to work a lot, and he has the opportunity to do so. Good for him. But, such profligacy does have costs. Sometimes, he takes a role in a total dog like Top Line.
Released in 1988, Top Line is an Italian production directed by Nello Rossati, from a screenplay by Rossati and Roberto Gianviti. The movie follows Nero as Ted Angelo, an alcoholic novelist who has just been dropped by his publisher while he’s in Colombia researching ancient civilizations and the age of European explorers. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Top Line”
Shitty Movie Sundays: Diamond Dogs (2007)
Dolph Lundgren may be a favorite here at Shitty Movie Sundays, but it is not uncommon to watch one of his films and come away feeling like everyone, from the producers all the way down to the caterers, were mailing it in. Such is the case with 2007’s Diamond Dogs, which Lundgren co-directed with Shimon Dotan.
A treasure hunting movie, Diamond Dogs follows Lundgren as Xander Ronson, a former American special forces soldier who had his entire platoon wiped out in some war somewhere, and who is now an underground bare knuckle fighter in Inner Mongolia. It’s a typical down and out backstory for a Lundgren character, as is the debt he owes to shady characters all over town. Salvation seems to come in the form of Chambers (William Shriver), who has come to Inner Mongolia with his stepdaughter, Anika (Yu Nan), in search of a jewel-encrusted Buddhist tapestry estimated to be worth some twenty million bucks. Chambers hires Ronson as guide and security, and the small group, with a couple other hangers on for fodder, set off in search of the lost tapestry and the tomb where it lays. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Diamond Dogs (2007)”
Shitty Movie Sundays: Strike Commando 2, aka Trappola diabolica
It’s the utter shamelessness of Bruno Mattei’s films that have made him a Shitty Movie Sundays All-Star. There was no iconic scene from a Hollywood blockbuster that he could not find a home for in one of his movies. Strike Commando 2 (Italian: Diabolical trap), his 1988 followup to the incredible Reb Brown vehicle from a year earlier, steals scenes from Raiders of the Lost Ark and Lethal Weapon, but doesn’t lift plot from those movies. And when I write that Mattei steals scenes, I do not mean thematically. I mean there are scenes in this movie that could have gotten Mattei and producer Franco Gaudenzi sued for plagiarism. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Strike Commando 2, aka Trappola diabolica”
Shitty Movie Sundays: Angels of the City
1989 was a banner year for producers Richard Pepin and Joseph Merhi. After a falling out with Ronald Gilchrist at City Lights Entertainment, the two formed PM Entertainment and began cranking out wonderfully inept direct-to-video movies. They released seven movies that first year, and distributed two more. Three of those movies were ersatz neo-noir Los Angeles thrillers featuring Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, whom older readers will remember as Freddie ‘Boom Boom’ Washington from Welcome Back, Kotter. The relationship with Hilton-Jacobs was so worthwhile, in fact, that PM tapped him to direct. Written alongside Raymond Martino and Merhi, Hilton-Jacobs helmed Angels of the City, the story of a sorority initiation gone wrong.
Kelly Galindo and Cynthia Cheston star as Cathy and Wendy, a pair of college students at an unnamed Los Angeles university that looks suspiciously like the University of Southern California. One of their professors has given the class a sort of urban anthropological assignment. Over the weekend, they are to interview someone familiar with the streets, whether that be a bus driver, a homeless person, a bartender, etc.
The girls’ spoiled boyfriends, Mick and Richie (Brian Ochse and Rusty Gray), decide to go with a street hooker, to mixed results. More on that later. The girls, meanwhile, push their task to the side, because it’s time for their sorority initiation. In order to gain admission, they have to dress up like hookers and get a hundred bucks from a John. They don’t have to seal the deal, but they do have to get the money. It’s a silly idea in a movie full of them. They could have just disappeared from campus for a couple of hours and withdrawn money from an ATM, but then we wouldn’t have a movie. Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Angels of the City”
Shitty Movie Sundays: Lockout (2012)
The Luc Besson action grist mill turns them out like few others. Objective quality is hit and miss, but the movies he produces are flashy, in the same way the McDonald’s in Times Square is flashy. They enjoy a proximity to top tier glamor and glitz, but, in the end, it’s just fast food.
From 2012 comes Lockout, a film that so resembles Escape from New York that Besson and company were successfully sued for plagiarism. Co-directors and co-writers James Mather and Steve Saint Leger (Besson was also credited with a writing and story credit) might have been done dirty by that lawsuit. The analogues to Escape are many, but if John Carpenter could claim plagiarism for this flick, then the entire horror and sci-fi movie industry should operate under the constant threat of litigation. Anyway… Continue reading “Shitty Movie Sundays: Lockout (2012)”