Some movies just don’t need to be made. Did we really need a reboot of the Spider-Man franchise this past year? Or another Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake so soon after the last one? Do we need any of the reboots, remakes, sequels, rethinkings, reimaginings, spinoffs, etc., that we get every year? Of course not. But as long as we keep paying to see them, Hollywood will keep making them.
Case in point, Hannibal Rising, from 2007. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Hannibal Rising”
Oh, no! Found footage?! Why?! Whyyyyyyyyy??!!!!!
All histrionics aside, do filmmakers still make horror flicks that don’t use the found footage method? Because it feels like it’s been awhile since I’ve seen one. Is it really too much to ask that filmmakers show skill as storytellers rather than resort to gimmicks? It may be. But what happens when gimmick is combined with good storytelling? That’s just crazy talk, right? Continue reading “October Horrorshow: V/H/S”
“Ugh. I hope this isn’t a waste of my fucking time.” So said I before I hit ‘play.’ I’m not kidding. Those were the words that came out of my mouth. Considering how much time I spend watching shitty movies, I really have to have low expectations going into a film if I’m worried about whether it will constitute a waste of said time. Oh, God. I’ve wasted my life. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave”
I have to admit, I’m getting pretty sick of found footage horror films. The technique was unique for only a small handful of films, but it crossed into gimmick very quickly. I don’t seek out these films. To prepare for the October Horrorshow, a lot of times I’ll just grab whatever is currently popular for rent or whatever has made a splash in the last few years. This has led me to watch Quarantine, Grave Encounters, The Last Exorcism, Paranormal Activity, Apollo 18, Cloverfield, Diary of the Dead, The Tunnel, REC, many, many others, and now, Trollhunter.
These days, watching so many found footage horror flicks is a bit like being a connoisseur of fast food burgers. Sure, there are some good ones out there, but you have to shove down a whole lot of big macs and junior whoppers in your quest to find one. Flashes of grilled perfection are found in too few breaks in the normal routine of noxious, artery-clogging, commodity fare that does naught more than fill both bellies and graves. Real love and care are not just offset, but dominated by the work of hucksters who would prefer a person not think too much about how they are feeding both mind and body. Why would a person subject themselves to this? Dear reader, I do it for you. I do it...for you. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Trollhunter, or, The Troll Hunter...Whatever”
There are some serious contenders on the short list of Official Movie of Shitty Movie Sundays. Alien: Resurrection holds the crown by default, but challengers include stalwart paragons of shittiness such as Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, and Reign of Fire. Both of those films differ from Alien: Resurrection in one important aspect: they are fun. Alien: Resurrection is an overwrought chore of a film. It has none of the loose bravura of Spacehunter or the hilariously over the top seriousness of Reign of Fire. Why then, does Alien: Resurrection continue to hold the crown? Because it was first. Someday I’ll tire of using Alien: Resurrection as my prototype. For now, long live the king. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Deep Blue Sea”
What’s this? Another found footage horror film?! When will this menace stop? More importantly, when will I wise up and stop watching these things? All facetiousness aside, there are some films that use found footage effectively, some that don’t, and some whose plot actually requires it. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: The Tunnel”
If someone were to guess where this movie takes place, there’d be a fifty-fifty chance they’d get it right. Is it Connecticut or Georgia? Well, let’s analyze. The film is called The Haunting in Connecticut 2, subtitled Ghosts of Georgia. Going in, knowing nothing about the film, I inferred that it takes place in Connecticut, but the characters, or possibly whatever ghosts are causing the haunting, have roots in Georgia. Maybe there’s a plot that has something to do with the Civil War or the Underground Railroad. Not exactly original, but logical.
But another, cynical way of thinking is that the film takes place in Georgia, and has absolutely nothing to do with Connecticut; that this sequel is attempting to cash in on a brand. The original Haunting in Connecticut wasn’t a blockbuster, but it was profitable. And Hollywood loves profit. Lionsgate had this successful property on their hands, and they were looking to squeeze it dry. Rather than put any time and effort into a serious sequel, they chose to slap the Haunting in Connecticut title on some low-rent production they had set to run, in the hopes of making some cash. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia”
You don’t see this often, but Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark is a remake of a TV movie from 1973. I’ve never seen the original, but apparently it has a decent reputation in the horror world. Anyway, it has enough of a good reputation that Guillermo del Toro decided to write and produce the remake (Matthew Robbins shared screenwriting credits). Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (2010)”
The Awakening, from 2011, is better than most horror films I’ve seen. It’s also one of those films featuring the supernatural that doesn’t quite fit all that well into the surprisingly rigid definitions of the genre. Films like The Shining, The Sixth Sense, and others, are horror films by default, when in actuality, they rise above such rote classifications. The Awakening is not in the class of the two films cited above, but it has the same aspirations to break away from the bonds of genre.
Directed by Nick Murphy, and written by Stephen Volk and Mr. Murphy, The Awakening follows Florence Cathcart (Rebecca Hall), a young woman in England a few years after the end of World War I. She’s Cambridge-educated and has fiercely-held beliefs. Among these are the equal status of women and the ridiculousness of belief in the supernatural, including belief in God. She’s the author of a widely-read book that purports to debunk the supernatural, and the viewer’s first experience with Florence is her doing just that. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: The Awakening”
The only way to kill a movie franchise is to look away. The business model of the film industry necessarily requires that films display a certain amount of histrionic personality disorder (after all, if it ain’t worth looking at, it ain’t gonna make money), but eventually all franchises end up wearing out their welcomes. Narcissism, egocentricity, etc.; a person could have a field day going through the DSM looking up conditions that apply to the film industry, but it all gets back to money.
The Paranormal Activity franchise is a cash machine of unheard of proportions in Hollywood. To date, budgetary expenditures of around thirteen million bucks have resulted in three-quarters of a billion dollars in box office receipts. Holy shit. That’s actually quite amazing. And as long as people keep showing a willingness to go see the same movie over and over again, Oren Peli and company would be fools to stop satisfying the desires of the moviegoing public.
None of this means the movies have to be any good, of course.
Paranormal Activity 3 is the most recent of the series that I’ve seen, and truth be told, there is little different about this film than the first two, and probably the fourth, as well, which I have not seen. Writing a review for this film is a bit of an exercise in futility. Like the film, it would be mostly interchangeable with any review of the earlier films. I could write a brief summary of characters and plot, but in considering doing so, I’m being confronted by a strange feeling of hopelessness. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Paranormal Activity 3″