What a putrid mess. Halloween 5 is a shameless cash grab. (The full title is Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, but that full title seems only to exist on posters and other promotional material. The title card of the actual movie has no subtitle.) Halloween 4 was a cheap b-movie that sought to bring a recognizable brand to heel after the failure that was Halloween III. And it worked. Audiences didn’t like the fact that Michael Myers wasn’t the villain in the third flick, and producer Moustapha Akkad took notice. He brought back the slasher icon for the fourth installment, and saw a tidy return on investment, so it was inevitable that there would be a fifth. Of course, since abject cheapness didn’t hurt the bottom line with Halloween 4, there was no incentive to produce a quality product with Halloween 5.
Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Halloween 5″
Tag: Slasher Flick
October Horrorshow: My Bloody Valentine
The town of Valentine Bluffs, Nova Scotia, has a problem. Despite being deep in the heart of Canada, only two people in the entire town seem to have wicked accents. Apparently, the native population has been replaced by a bunch of pod people from the Toronto area, or even possibly the States. The local sheriff is doing nothing. They may have already gotten to him! Continue reading “October Horrorshow: My Bloody Valentine”
October Horrorshow: V/H/S
Oh, no! Found footage?! Why?! Whyyyyyyyyy??!!!!!
All histrionics aside, do filmmakers still make horror flicks that don’t use the found footage method? Because it feels like it’s been awhile since I’ve seen one. Is it really too much to ask that filmmakers show skill as storytellers rather than resort to gimmicks? It may be. But what happens when gimmick is combined with good storytelling? That’s just crazy talk, right? Continue reading “October Horrorshow: V/H/S”
October Horrorshow: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
Halloween III was a big bust. A successful horror franchise ditched its most marketable characters because series creators John Carpenter and Debra Hill were tired of the idea. I suppose it was a laudable decision from a creative standpoint, but if you’re going to ditch Michael Myers and Laurie Strode, perhaps the greatest on screen villain/scream queen pairing in Hollywood history, it’s probably a bad idea to name your new film like it’s a sequel. Carpenter and Hill learned the hard way that the Halloween brand was in its characters, not its name. Halloween III is not a bad movie. It’s just not a Halloween film. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers”
October Horrorshow: Psycho III
...And then there was Psycho III. Part of the appeal of the first two films in the franchise was that there was a fair amount of ambiguity to events. There were murders, but it wasn’t at all clear until the end who had been committing them (of course, a person would have to be living under a rock to not have picked up on Psycho’s twist at some point in their lives). Not so in Psycho III. Norman Bates is doubtlessly the bad guy in this one, so it just remains to be seen how he will get his comeuppance.
Directed by Norman Bates himself, Anthony Perkins, Psycho III takes place shortly after the preceding film. Norman is back to living alone and preparing to reopen the motel. Not far away, a nun who has lost her faith and left the convent, Maureen (Diana Scarwid), meets up with Duke (Jeff Fahey), a young drifter on his way to California. I hate Duke. Have I mentioned in any other reviews how there is no other character in film I despise more than the creepy sexual predator? Not those that are played realistically, mind you, but the sneering, smarmy douchebag that shows up in many bad movies, mostly horror. I hate these characters because they have no redeeming qualities, and they are lazy. It takes no effort from writer, director, or actor to put a one-dimensional ass-hat like Duke to film. Want a quick way to show an audience a character is a bad guy? Have him try to rape a nun in a parked car, then toss her to the curb. That’s Duke. And we as an audience get to spend a significant amount of time with this character. Why? In what way does it make a film, here or in any other, any better to have a supporting character with such despicable traits that have little to nothing to do with the plot? Answer: it doesn’t. Not here, not in Doom, not in Leviathan, not in Rob Zombie’s Halloween II, not in Freddy vs. Jason, nor in any other bad movie I have ever seen. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Psycho III”
October Horrorshow: Psycho II
I like Psycho II better than Psycho.
— Quentin Tarantino
Slow your roll, Quentin.
I’m taking that quote out of context. It is possible to like one film more versus another, while recognizing that film A is not as good as film B. For example, I have a short list in my head of my favorite movies. Star Trek II is on that list. I can watch that film at anytime. I love it because it’s a wonderful sci-fi flick, with lots of action and a comprehensible story. I also love it because if there had never been any other Star Trek film made, if there had never been any of the television series, it could stand on its own with none of the decades-long backstory. But I will never, ever, say that it is a better film than, say, A Prophet, or Jiro Dreams of Sushi, to name two better films I saw this year. Those two films are better, but they will never come close to attaining the same level of appreciation I have for Star Trek II. It just cannot happen. So I understand how Quentin Tarantino, who has a much more thorough understanding of cinematic history than I, could like Psycho II more than Alfred Hitchcock’s original classic. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Psycho II”
October Horrorshow: Alone in the Dark (1982)
A slasher flick starring Jack Palance and Martin Landau as murderous psychopaths? It would have been impossible for me not to seek this mother out, especially for an October Horrowshow viewing. Expectations were low. After all, despite the star power, this is an obscure movie, never a good sign. It’s a pretty simple formula. If a movie has stars, and you’ve never heard of it, there’s a chance it stinks. A great example of this idea is Robert Altman’s Quintet. That one had Paul Newman and Fernando Rey, two actors with gigantic reputations in a film helmed by one of Hollywood’s great directorial talents, and it was dreadful. Palance and Landau are no slouches, each having won Oscars for films after their roles in Alone in the Dark, but this film, like Quintet, was tough to watch. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Alone in the Dark (1982)”
October Horrorshow: Halloween II
Halloween has finally arrived. Across the country the ghouls and goblins are out in force, and scary movies are lighting up the airwaves. We’ve been celebrating here at Missile Test for the entire month of October with the second October Horrorshow, when the site is devoted to watching and reviewing horror films. There’s been no rhyme or reason to it other than one common denominator: blood. Good films, bad films, entire franchises viewed out of order...so what? It doesn’t matter. It’s all in fun, as long as there’s death and gore involved. To close out this year’s October Horrorshow, we present a review of Halloween II, the sequel to John Carpenter’s horror masterpiece from 1978. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Halloween II”
October Horrorshow: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
There have been quite a number of zombie sightings on Missile Test this October. It is the October Horrorshow, when the site is dedicated to watching and reviewing horror films, but believe it or not, there are other iconic creatures that inhabit the catalogue of horror cinema. One of those icons is Freddy Krueger, the brainchild of horror auteur Wes Craven. Since his original Elm Street film appeared in 1984, and the last in the series in 2003, it was past time for Hollywood to milk this cow one more time. They chose to do so with a remake, or a reboot, as the popular industry term would have it. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)”
October Horrorshow: Maniac Cop 2
It’s October, which means it’s also time for the October Horrorshow. The entire month will be devoted to watching and reviewing horror films here at Missile Test, and there is no rhyme or reason to it. The good. The bad. The putrid. If it’s got blood, it will get a viewing. Today’s film is Maniac Cop 2, from way back in 1990. Why Maniac Cop 2? Why not reserve one of the precious 31 days of October for something worthwhile, like The Exorcist or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or even the first Maniac Cop, of which you will find no review (so far) on this site? The answer is simple. Last night I was trolling the tubes looking for something to watch, and I saw Hulu had added Maniac Cop 2 to its lineup. Having never met a movie I wouldn’t watch, I watched it. I can’t believe I watched the whole thing. Continue reading “October Horrorshow: Maniac Cop 2″