Vanity projects are a fact of Hollywood business. Occasionally a star gets enough juice that they force a studio to make the movie they want to do, on their terms. Just about every big star has a vanity project or two in their filmography. Sylvester Stallone used the power he gained after the success of Rocky to make Paradise Alley. Sean Connery convinced United Artists to back The Offence. John Travolta used up every ounce of his power and influence to make Battlefield Earth. Even Madonna got in on the act with the remake of Lina Wertmuller’s classic Swept Away. One thing readers should notice about these examples…they’re all bad movies.
Big stars pressuring studios isn’t the only type of vanity project. There are also vanity projects made by amateurs with big dreams, and a little cash burning holes in their pockets.
Once upon a time, Los Angeles-area limo company owner John De Hart had dreams of becoming an actor. He auditioned and couldn’t get work. So, in his words, he, “...put out sixteen pages, kept adding to it and then shot the script! That’s what you’ve got to do, you can’t rely on anyone else.” The result is a shitty action flick that lacks all self-awareness, and is endearing because of it.
Champagne and Bullets was shot in 1993. De Hart directed (with James Paradise), wrote, produced, starred, edited, and performed most of the soundtrack. In 2007, another cut of the film was released after some reshoots, titled Road to Revenge. Then, after feedback from distributors, De Hart made some more edits, and that version was released as GetEven. Between 1993 and 2006, De Hart was out of the business of 
filmmaking, having graduated law school and passed the bar. But, those old dreams never go away, do they? This reviewer saw the Champagne and Bullets cut, thanks to the dedicated folks at Vinegar Syndrome, who located and restored an old print.
De Hart plays Rick Bode, who, along with his partner Huck Finney (Wings Hauser), are accused of peddling drugs by their corrupt lieutenant, Normad (William Smith). They leave the force after the lowest rent court hearing one will see, and spend most of their time afterwards drinking in a basement bar, as far as I can tell.
Rick has taken up with lithe and buxom Cindy (former Playboy model Pamela Jean Bryant), and his life is going well, until he learns of Cindy’s recent past. She was part of a devil-worshipping cult, which she joined as a lark, as people in southern California are wont to do. But this cult is the real deal, all the way down to sacrificing babies to the dark lord. In a twist, it is Bode’s nemesis, Normad, now a judge, who leads the cult.
For whatever reason, Normad isn’t content to just let Cindy leave the cult. She is followed, harassed, and attacked, and Rick takes it upon himself to protect her. It’s not enough, however. Shortly after the two marry, she is killed. Now, it’s all about revenge.
Before the flick gets to the revenge part, we get to enjoy the romance between Rick and Cindy. De Hart made sure he got every penny’s worth out of Ms. Bryant. He had her participate in some of the most self-serving sex scenes in film history. De Hart’s view of himself is immeasurably higher than the reality, so perhaps he didn’t find it strange to subject his co-star, and his audience, to extended scenes of pure awkwardness, all with De Hart’s crooning songs in the background. His total lack of shame is our gain, though. These scenes with Bryant, more than any other, cement this film as shitty gold.
Then there is Wings Hauser. Hauser was something of a writer, racking up a few credits as a screenwriter, and he went off script in this flick every chance he could. Hauser could never have been described as restrained or subtle, and let off the leash as he was in Champagne and Bullets, he gave it everything he had. His character stays drunk for most of the film, and Hauser made sure he was the kind of drunk no one wants to spend time with. It’s a masterclass in overacting, and a perfect counterpart to moments when De Hart needed someone else to carry a scene.
There is no debate about this movie’s bona fides. From the first scene it’s clear this is a shitty movie. As the minutes tick by, the absurdity just grows and grows, until it becomes clear that this is one of the greatest b-movies of all time, soon to gain legendary status amongst such titans as Birdemic and Samurai Cop. The big difference is, this is a watchable movie. Dare I say it, Champagne and Bullets is shitty gold. Besides this, it is also a testament to perseverance. As pointed out many times in the pages of Shitty Movie Sundays, it is not easy to make a movie. De Hart, like so many other low budget filmmakers, is an inspiration. His movie was never going to sniff highbrow recognition, or, heaven forbid, an award, but he got it made, and that’s the most important thing. As Jim Van Bebber would say, “Pain is temporary. Film is forever.”
Champagne and Bullets enters the Watchability Index at #99, displacing Primal. It is essential viewing for the mutant film fan.